Beach Body

John and I are still P90X-ing it! 2 weeks in!

Doc Menopause

I've been at my new work place for 9 months now and for some reason I still have this fear that I'm not doing well enough. I sometimes find myself wondering, "I'm really not fit for this job. I don't know what the heck I'm doing and people trust me to help them?!" Some days I go home and worry that I'll get a call from some emergency room saying my patient so-and-so was there and had some awful bad, near death thingamagig that I caused earlier today in the office. Or I'm afraid I'll miss something. "Yes, it was indeed cancer... and YOU missed it." School only teaches so much. And in my case, school taught me that if you want to learn something, you really have to find it out on your own. Screw you midwifery program director. Compared to the other PAs and the doctor, I'm the weakest link. They all are so smart. They ask the right questions and are able to think outside the box. They know the lab values of everything and what it means if its off. They know the dosages of that odd medication that I can't even pronounce. Me, I have my little peripheral brain, i.e. my handy dandy notebook where I scribble every little bit of knowledge I learn. Most of what I'm doing here at this job, I learned on the job. And I still have a ton more to learn. Ugh. You think reading and researching is over once you graduate. Nope. It's not all bad though. I liked school and I'm glad I have to continue to work my brain. It's just now after all long day of helping women with hotflashes, nightsweats, no sleep, irritability, fatigue, no sex drive, anxiety, depression, weight gain, hairloss, memory loss, PMS, heavy periods, no periods, pelvic pain, breast pain, joint pain, head pain, ear pain (you'd think people would realize we're a GYNECOLOGY practice, I know jack about your ear), I would rather log onto facebook than medline. All in all, I really feel lucky to have this job. It's more than I expected, but if I can learn a bit about your ear from watching the doc or PA, then I will be more than happy to help you. On a side note, I'm totally legit now! Lookie, I'm on the website: www.docmenopause.com Not too crazy about my photo.

Year of the Dragon

John's mom has been trying to get a hold of me for the past 3 days. She usually calls while I'm at work and it's from a number that I don't recognize. She never leaves a message, so I don't call the number back. Who would? So I come home on Friday and John asks me how come I don't call his mom back. Oh sh*t. What is it now. Usually she calls John and if she needs anything she'll ask to talk to me then, or just ask John to ask me. What's so important that she called me for 3 days and didn't tell John to just ask me to call her? "John, am I in trouble?" Of course he had no idea why. John's mom is nice. But she can be intense. Scary, loud, Asian Mom kind of intense.

So I call her. The first thing she accuses me of is ignoring her calls! "No, no I didn't recognize the number you called me from!" Okay, she eases up and asks me how my family is doing. She knows Nancy is in Europe for 2 months (for which from the tone of her voice I could tell is something she doesn't approve of) and how Sandy is living in DC for now. Then asks me what my sisters were doing for money... as far as jobs and future thingys go. I never liked when she made such a big deal about money. I told her I was happy for my sisters and that they were both smart girls and I had no worries. "mmm, ok". She's always asking me about my job too, which is thoughtful until she starts asking things like "how much do you make?" and "do you get raises" "what about bonus?" uuugggghhhh. Doesn't just do this to me, oh no. John too. She's been telling John to change jobs because he should be making more money. It's a great job, with great people, with the opportunity to grow. But nope, the best jobs are the ones where you make MONEY. :( okay, so I wasn't planning on writing about all that b/c that's not why she called. It still frustrating though. She called because it was gonna be the Year of the Dragon....

"A good year to have a baby" AH! Apparently Bich and Chau are gonna try for a baby this summer. It would be a good idea for me and John too since 1. Bich and Chau are gonna have a baby, 2. It will be the Year of the Dragon, and 3. she has the need to remind me about how old John and I are. I'm thinking 5 or 6 years before starting any type of a family. But I'll be so close to 35 (and oh dear, that's just too old to have babies) so I fudge and tell her we'll try in 2-3 years. Great. First my mom, now the mom in law. John doesn't want kids yet either. Whew. I know a few girls my age here in OK who are soooo ready to have a baby. They almost obsess over it. Nuh-uh. Not me. We don't have any desire now for any baby. I do hope we're ready in a few years. We do want kids. The longer we can wait, the better. I just hope that desire doesn't come when I'm 40.